Brilliant forwarded email

Got this gem in the email today...

> Subject: Billy Connolly
>
> Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people:
>
>
>
> 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
> the time....I know
> where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do
> I point at my crotch
> when I ask where the toilet is?
>
> 2. People who are willing to get off their arse to
> search the entire
> room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk
> to the TV and change
> the channel manually.
>
> 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your
> cake and eat it too".
> F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat
> it?
>
> 4. When people say "it's always the last place you
> look". Of course it
> is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've
> found it? Do people
> do this? Who and where are they?
>
> 5. When people say while watching a film "did you
> see that?". No
> tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and
> stare at the f*cking
> floor.
>
> 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?.
> Didn't really give me a
> choice there, did you sunshine?
>
> 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is
> it? If it's new,
> then there has never been anything before it. If
> it's an improvement,
> then there must have been something before it.
>
> 8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck??
> Life is the longest
> damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you
> do that's longer?
>
> 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone
> asks, "Has the bus come
> yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here,
> Knob head?
>
> 10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what
> they used to be'. So
> what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
>
> 11. When you're eating something and someone asks
> 'Is that nice?' No
> it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
>
> 12. People who announce they are going to the
> toilet. Thanks that's an
> image I really didn't need.
>
> 13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't
> understand you if you don't
> insert the 'Mc' before the item you are
> ordering..... It has to be a
> McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank
> looks. Well I'll have
> a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking
> McTosser.